I was enrolled in a six-week summer programme in school from
June to August. In the programme, each student was involved in two separate
group projects, a film project and a science project.
I had two friends, Robert and Sarah, who ended up having a
conflict during the final stages of the group projects. The conflict began over
David, a member of Robert’s film group as well as a member of Sarah’s insect
biodiversity group.
Robert wanted David to join the film group project because
they had some editing work to do. Sarah had assumed that Robert wanted David
immediately for the entire day as they were leaving early to play football.
Hence, Sarah had refused to relinquish David. Sarah felt that she had more
right in asking David to stay and work on the insect project, as the deadline
for the project was earlier than the film project. Robert, on the other hand,
could not understand why Sarah was being selfish. Robert had been saying
whatever that came to his mind in a bid to relief his irritation but it was
only making the situation worse. Similarly, Sarah felt her decision was
justified and refused to give in. As a result, they ended up fighting.
In hindsight, I think the conflict arose from having the wrong
assumption and lacking in empathy. The failure in clearly stating intention, active
listening and in seeking clarification may have led to miscommunication. This
resulted in the argument.
After this experience, I am now struck with this question:
Do communication
skills precede emotional intelligence or is it the other way round?
For example, if Robert had self-regulated his feelings
instead of saying whatever came to mind, he could have stopped to question Sarah
and found out why she was being so adamant.
I think that communication skills precede emotional intelligence.
ReplyDeleteEmotional intelligence is basically the ability to assess and display one's emotion's appropriately and hence, is itself a form of effective communication.
Given that communication skills include verbal and non-verbal forms, you would actually need good communication skills to effectively display the self-awareness, empathy, self-regulation, motivation and social skills that come with emotional intelligence.
In the example you raised, if Robert was aware that there might be a reason behind Sarah's reaction, i.e., he could empathise with her, he would have naturally understood her reaction. He would then prevent himself from over-reacting and instead ask her for the reasons behind her reaction. Robert would, thereby, display effective communication skills.
Conversely, he might have good communication skills but lack emotional intelligence. He may be able to convey his thoughts, intentions and opinions of this issue accurately, but if he is unable to empathise with Sarah, all that he would be doing is displaying his irritation and frustration.
Antother important skill is to delay judgment until you have ll the facts because when you make a hasty assumption and your subsequent communication is based on that assumption- things could go awry. So putting a little distance between the initial thought, emotion and the response is usually a good idea especially when sensitivities are involved.
ReplyDelete