Doing a presentation with soul

When I signed up for this module, I knew exactly what I wanted to improve on and that was my oral presentation skills. The specific shortcoming that I thought I had and therefore, wanted to improve on, was performance anxiety. However, to say that I do not like oral presentation because I am uncomfortable or scared was not helpful. I needed to figure out what exactly was the root of my anxiety.

At first, I thought it was because I had to stand in front of a bunch of strangers and be subjected to intense scrutiny. It is unnerving to have everyone’s attention on you and be expected to deliver an engaging presentation or else you would have committed a sin by wasting everyone’s precious time. In light of that thought, I have come to realize that oral presentation is not so much about how well I present it but also about how I can make it worthwhile for the audience.

Sometimes, I feel nervous presenting because I am afraid that what I have to say will be uninteresting to the audience and therefore I would have wasted their time. It is because of this that I begin to second guess myself and from there, my confidence is replaced by fear and anxiety. Hence, no matter how much practice I put into a presentation, if I don’t even believe in what I am presenting, then inevitably my presentation will suffer. In fact, belief in my presentation can be more attention grabbing than a presentation with fireworks, loud music and awesome animations. You can just watch a TED talk and be convinced of this. I like TED talks because they are so minimalist. It is all about the speaker and not so much of the slides, if there are any.

Unfortunately, TED talks take on a more story-telling kind of approach when it comes to presenting. I don’t think the story-telling style is appropriate for the corporate business world, although it may work in the creative industries. Nevertheless, what we can emulate from the story-telling approach is the earnestness in telling the audience about the purpose of our presentation. I have been so focused on practicing my eye contact, volume, pace and script that I almost forgot to be earnest in my presentation.

In the end, the structure of oral presentations will almost always be the same. In a competitive working world, the extra edge will come from the ability of the presenter to use his or her personality to project earnestness. I don’t believe that there is a course or a module that can help a person to do so. This is something we have to discover and build for ourselves. However, at least we can conquer half of the journey by arming ourselves with the right skills, which I feel this module has done for me. Now, I just have to continue on and somehow put a touch of my personality into these skills!

One's an island, Two's a company, Three's a crowd

Group work is difficult when I am working with people that I do not know. Given the short amount of time, it is hard to be comfortable and familiar with everyone. However, I have discovered that sometimes, in the midst of doing work or meetings, we may subconsciously understand each other’s personality and work ethics. This leads to members naturally accommodating one another.

However, frustration is norm in group work. I would pin down this frustration to firstly, a breakdown in communication and secondly, a lack of understanding on my part. Regarding the first point, my group meetings have mostly been conducted online. As such, words can seem harsh when it is merely written and not spoken. Admittedly, I tend to “sound” cold and harsh online if I do not make the extra effort to use softer words. Considering that time is precious, I would forgo niceties and cut the preamble to get to the point during online discussions. However, in reality, I would be munching on a snack or listening to music as I am engaged in the online discussion. So, if my groupmate feels that I am being harsh towards him or her, well, that was unintentional. Hence, this is one of the drawbacks of online meetings. It saves time at the expense of potential communication breakdown.

For my second point, the lack of understanding comes from imposing a high standard on other people. I can get frustrated over other people’s work when it does not match up to my expectations. As a result, I would end up redoing the work. This is not right of course. In group work, the work has to match the group’s standards and not just one individual. I feel this is therefore one of the most difficult issue of group work, that is finding a common work standard that everyone is able to achieve.

Mixing different work personalities and ethics inevitably makes the construction of such a standard seem impossible. Moreover, more problems may even occur when a standard is established and people do not meet this standard. However, I feel that it is important that a group discusses this from the onset rather than wait until someone complains that the group has not done enough for the project. Hence, although we may not have the time to get to know each of our groupmates, we can still somehow get a grasp of the group dynamics by having a discussion on the kind of work standard the group would like to operate within.

In brief, no matter how many times we hear this, we must appreciate that communication is the most important thing in group work. With proper communication, a work standard can be agreed upon and thus ensure a smooth sailing experience.

Thumbs up for your handshake?

It was the first lecture of the OdySEA Summer programme. The professor had numbered us off to form groups for an informal introduction session. I happened to be in front of a male student. The male student, Andrew, offered his hand for a handshake and confidently introduced himself. I was stunned for a moment.

As a female Muslim, I am actually prohibited from being in direct contact with the opposite sex. The only permissible contact with the opposite sex can only occur with male blood relatives or my husband. Hence, when Andrew offered his hand for a handshake, I panicked because I did not how to refuse his handshake without offending him. In the end, I gave him two thumbs up.

It was a strange response indeed, and he replied, “Why? Don’t you want to accept my handshake?” Not knowing what else to do, I gave in and shook his hand, feeling guilty afterwards.

In hindsight, I wished I was firm in explaining, clearly and politely, that I do not shake hands with the opposite sex. I know that some may say it is an innocent handshake and that I should not be too rigid. However, I feel a compromise in beliefs and principles would lead down to a slippery slope of compromising on many other things. Furthermore, there are other ways to introduce oneself.

In cross-cultural communication, a recurring point of contention is the amount of compromise a person commits in the course of interacting with others. The amount of compromise may be related to how much a person adheres to his or her culture in the first place. Though I am reluctant to shake hands with the opposite sex, I cannot speak for other female Muslims who may not feel too concerned. For this reason, I do not hold it against Andrew for not understanding my discomfort or for not being able to interpret the real intention of my weird thumbs-up response. He may have been totally ignorant of religious rules for Muslim women or he may have shook hands with other female Muslims before and thought it was ok to do so.

Hence, in an attempt to foster effective intercultural communication, it is not simply about reading up on the cultural rules and facts of a certain cultural group. Culture is a process involving structures and its agents. In this example, I am the agent and the cultural structure is my religion. My religion says I am not supposed to have direct contact with the opposite sex. However, as an individual, I have the agency to adhere to this rule or not.

To be competent in cross-cultural communication, a person must be able achieve the goal of communication, successfully and appropriately. This requires the knowledge of a certain cultural group yet recognizing that different individuals practice their cultures differently and that each interaction is unique. 

Now, a question for the readers:

What could I have done to achieve a win-win situation for Andrew and I?

Resolving interpersonal conflict

I was enrolled in a six-week summer programme in school from June to August. In the programme, each student was involved in two separate group projects, a film project and a science project.

I had two friends, Robert and Sarah, who ended up having a conflict during the final stages of the group projects. The conflict began over David, a member of Robert’s film group as well as a member of Sarah’s insect biodiversity group.

Robert wanted David to join the film group project because they had some editing work to do. Sarah had assumed that Robert wanted David immediately for the entire day as they were leaving early to play football. Hence, Sarah had refused to relinquish David. Sarah felt that she had more right in asking David to stay and work on the insect project, as the deadline for the project was earlier than the film project. Robert, on the other hand, could not understand why Sarah was being selfish. Robert had been saying whatever that came to his mind in a bid to relief his irritation but it was only making the situation worse. Similarly, Sarah felt her decision was justified and refused to give in. As a result, they ended up fighting.

In hindsight, I think the conflict arose from having the wrong assumption and lacking in empathy. The failure in clearly stating intention, active listening and in seeking clarification may have led to miscommunication. This resulted in the argument.

After this experience, I am now struck with this question:

Do communication skills precede emotional intelligence or is it the other way round?

For example, if Robert had self-regulated his feelings instead of saying whatever came to mind, he could have stopped to question Sarah and found out why she was being so adamant.